Can't Breathe
by Strange and Silent
Summary: Cassie -AU- They're in Russia, and Maxxie and Anwar have their falling out. He finds comfort in Cassie, who's been doing everything in her power to forget Sid, and 'abuse' isn't even on the list of healing remedies. [Complete]
1. Introductions and Cassie

_AU, and non canon. Subtle personality shifts may be evident, but I'll do my best to avoid them =) First time writing for a TV series, so don't be too mean ;)_

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><p><strong>Can't Breathe<strong>

She never overdosed, that day after Sid stood her up to chase after Michelle. Why? Well, she simply never got the chance. That's what happens when you've got friends like Chris. They can get smashed and baked every day of the week, but they know what to mix, and what should never be combined. He single-handedly saved her life that afternoon when he stumbled across her.

A friendly face, a promise to wash away any and all emotions that didn't belong in the _perfect_ world, worked like magic. Cassie drank so much her mind and soul numbed, blurring Sid like fresh ink smudged against a page. Chris encouraged it, becoming equally liquored up. It could only ever be in such a state that he would delve into her personal reasons behind the will to forget.

Cassie spilt her heart on the floor, and Chris couldn't help himself when he too let some of his memories fall amongst hers. They were soaring alone - just the pair of them trapped in the stars of bliss. It was as though, under that glossy ignorance, they both recognized the other as a person who would never share a single word passed between them. That would strike deeper than any other betrayal.

Her heart was torn, but she knew it wouldn't break anymore. Chris had made sure the stitches would always stay - maybe not always well - but at least they were there.


	2. Falling Out and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

Maxxie was outside of Tony and Sid's room, hand poised to knock on the door and pledge his case. Anwar had decided to suddenly follow his beliefs, and had tossed Maxxie to the curb as a result. He hated his friend for it ... No, he didn't hate Anwar. He could never hate someone who didn't fully understand what it was like - but it hurt nonetheless. Drawing in a breath, he knocked on the door.

Sid answered it, lifting his hand at the elbow as means of a wave and stepped aside so Maxxie could enter. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah - No - Anwar decided to become Muslim." Maxxie said.

"You mean, more Muslim than he already was?" Sid asked, though Maxxie could only see a bit of his confusion in his eyes. His glasses were reflecting the glare of the pale sunlight.

Maxxie shrugged. "Never mind guys. I'm just go for a walk I think." He turned to leave, when Tony stood abruptly.

"I'll go with you, yeah?" He said, taking hold of his jacket, which he'd draped over the bedpost. "You don't mind some quality time, do you Sid? Maybe Michelle could use a hand with something."

Sid looked at his friend, bewildered. "Uh, yeah, uh okay. No problem. See ya."

Tony rolled his eyes and shut the door behind himself and Maxxie.

Outside the air was cool and nipped at Maxxie's cheeks. He didn't particularly care for Tony's company, but wasn't about to shrug him off either. Maybe if he felt like talking, Tony would listen, however poorly. The boys moved in silence, through the courtyards. Tony was looking up at the sky; Maxxie's attention was more grounded. He noticed Cassie, leaning against the wall, her attention absorbed by a thin wisp of smoke from a cigarette she didn't seem to care for.

She was so beautiful; it was a shame what she did to herself sometimes.

"Are you listening Max?" Tony said abruptly as they rounded the corner, leaving Cassie behind.

"Hm," Maxxie returned to himself, responding more coherently, "No, sorry, what did you say?"

Tony smirked, "I wanted to know why Anwar is suddenly a fucking dick."

"He's not a fucking dick. He's just decided that religion is more important than friends." Maxxie clarified, feeling as though he was betraying himself as he stood up for Anwar. He couldn't help his conflicting emotions, and hated himself for it. The situation would be much simpler if he just declared Anwar the enemy, and stopped thinking of him as a half-friend.

Tony's brow knit for a moment, before Maxxie believed he'd come to a conclusion. "He hates you cause you're gay. Fucker."

"Tony," Maxxie groaned, looking away from the dark haired boy. His lack of direct attention was what dealt him the disadvantage.

One moment they were walking side by side, arm's length from the brick of the hotel, next thing Maxxie knew, he was pressed against it. Tony's body pressed against his, his thin lips crushing Maxxie's own. His hands knotted his shirt, but Maxxie struggled against the other boy.

Squirming, he shoved Tony off him with all his strength. 'What the fuck are you on? You think this is funny, yeah?" Maxxie shouted in disbelief. How dare Tony even touch him? He had no right to ever carry out such a cruel act. To think Maxxie almost caved ... He was ashamed of himself, but equally annoyed with Tony.

"What? We're in Russia." Tony said casually, rolling his shoulders and smirking. Maxxie could see that he was taking the rejection in stride, as though confident that he would have another chance. Not if Maxxie could help it.

"What of Michelle? She's your girlfriend."

Tony shrugged, harsher then, "Yeah, and? She's with Jal - won't know a thing."


	3. Conversation and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

Cassie was up to nothing, but she was happy. She'd taken to smoking, though not with much pleasure. It had always been more appealing to watch Chris do it, but since he was not with her, she filled the void by replacing him. Only in a sense of course, because she could never replace anyone so lovely. As she stood outside, her hands bare and cheeks rosy, she watched the smoke flit in the chilly breeze, rhythmically disturbed as she exhaled pure air. Perhaps she didn't even like smoking except to watch the smoke itself. It was so, wow, pretty, the way it danced higher and higher until it vanished against the clouds.

"I'm not a hobby, Tony."

Her eyes lifted from the smoke to the rest of the courtyard. It was empty, but that voice had not been. It had been filled with seriousness, and a kiss of longing. Someone familiar to her, someone whom she cared for ...

"Maxxie?" she spoke aloud. Cassie wondered why she couldn't see him, and put out the cigarette before walking in the direction she believed the voice to have come from. Standing nearly on her toes, she held out her hands for balance, and peered around the corner of the hotel.

The blonde sweetheart ran into her. "Sorry Cass, I didn't see you there."

"Like, it's no big deal." She said, her trademark smile on her lips while revealing her teeth. "Why are you upset though, you know, if you don't mind my asking?"

Maxxie's eyes were murky, not clear as she often found herself seeing them. There was none of his childlike joy, his carefree persona that she could bask in like sunshine. He kept his arms across his chest, a gesture she believed to represent the guarding of oneself. She'd used it before all to often, in the face of adversary. From what was he shielding himself of though? Maxxie - the boy who was hated by none one?

"I just - And the nerve of him - Like he doesn't know what the fuck he's on about." Maxxie glanced up, as though he may have forgotten that she was there. The way he clipped his sentences drew such a conclusion in Cassie's mind, though she wasn't bothered by it. But the boy did say something after noting her presence that surprised her.

"I'm looking for a room."

"Pardon?"

Maxxie sighed, "I haven't got anywhere to go-"

"I've got a bed. Like, wow, wait - I mean I've got a spare bed." Cassie giggled, correcting herself before he could make fun at her. She saw a shadow of uncertainty colour his cheeks.

Shaking his head, Maxxie said, "No, I couldn't do that to you. I'd make you uncomfortable, yeah."

Cassie mimicked his action, her blonde hair falling out from under her hat, "Why would you? You're a friend, and I'm only helping."

"No," Maxxie repeated, "If anything happened-"

"Nothing will happen. I like, so believe it. You're a friend Maxxie - I trust my real friends. You won't do anything, I know it. Even if you weren't the way you are, I'd make the offer. You're just so lovely." Cassie pressed.

She found herself at that moment very much indeed desperate for company, as Chris was not to be seen as of late. She longed for him to talk to her, to tighten the stitches late at night when she could hear Sid through the walls. She knew she was getting better though. Not like when she was at the clinic - that wasn't real. But with Chris and his way of healing, she could feel her wounds closing into scars. They were to be only memories - nothing to cry over.

Besides, she really did trust Maxxie. He was so lovely, when he smiled, and the passion and loveliness was complete when she watched him draw. Of course, she didn't think he knew she liked to watch him draw, because she was already so invisible ... So overlooked...

"You're lovely all the time, Cass, beautiful even." Maxxie replied, and Cassie could not, for once, find words to say. He though she was _beautiful? _The word sounded foreign even in her mind.

"But I haven't not eaten in three days? How am I to be lovely?" Cassie asked him, eyes raised in question.

Maxxie shook his head; it would seem that the talk had shifted to her, and in doing so had brought back a glimmer of himself. "Cassie, you're beautiful when you eat three times a day, yeah! You glow and are happy - bubbling with life! How could you think you are anything but beautiful?"

Cassie took a breath, confused. His words couldn't be true, but she so very much longed for them to be just that. True and alive - just as he had described her. "You're beautiful too Maxxie." She turned on her heels and wandered off, caught in a daze.


	4. Blood and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

Maxxie watched her walk off, trapped in a dream no doubt. He suspected that Cassie simply could not come up with a response to what he had told her. Though he regretted none of the things he'd told her, he was saddened by her reluctance to accept them. The blonde found himself, as he followed her with his eyes, wishing to be more like her. He longed to go unnoticed by everyone, to not have them stare and whisper. He wanted to be overlooked and passed by like she was. All that was selfish, Maxxie knew, but he couldn't help it.

Anger swept through him faster than light. Before his mind could register the feeling, and control it, force it to simmer, Maxxie's body reacted to it. His right, gloved hand (which he treasured as it allowed him to draw) curled into a fist. An animalistic growl parted his lips.

How dare Anwar reject him! How dare Tony be so foul! - Play him for a fool, treat him like gold before tossing him aside like he did everyone in the end! Maxxie found himself blinded by self-loathing and total frustration. He just wanted a way out - a moment to forget it all and concentrate on something else ... Anything else, if only for a short while.

When his hand connected with the wall, he expected an agonizing pain. His knuckles were shattered, he knew it, and the blood from the shredded skin would flow out dark and crimson - an endless river of misery. Yet when he opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized he'd shut, he gazed upon a much different scene.

Cassie stood in front of him, her back resting against the wall, one arm crossed over her stomach, and the other stretched out beside her. Her ivory complexion appeared ghostly, and her lips were parted in a perfect, little '_o_', through which she drew a rickety breath. It took a second for Maxxie to come to a conclusion. The image of her standing in front of him as she was, and his fist nestled in her palm, didn't click at first. It was the sight of deep scarlet that brought him to his senses.

Mostly.

"What the _fuck_ were you thinking!" He bellowed, snatching his fist from her hand as though her touch burned him.

Cassie blinked, swallowed and said, "You shouldn't hurt yourself."

Maxxie's eyes widened in surprise. "I shouldn't hurt myself? But it's okay if you get crushed in my wake, is that it, yeah? Fuck Cass-"

"Don't, yell at me for helping you." she whispered, cutting across him yet again. At first, he though she was just rude, way back when he'd first met her. He learned of her conditions quickly though, but even afterward disregarded medical reasoning in favour of his own. Cassie had to cut across people to be heard.

Bowing his head in shame, maxxie remained silent. He was horrid for shouting at her. It was only that he didn't understand her reasons. "What made you think this would help me?"

Cassie shrugged, her hand still embedded in the brick; her blood slowly carving a pattern over it. "I just, like, figured you had so much already - You didn't need that regret as well, you know?" she sighed, as though uncertain if she'd truly done the right thing. Maxxie couldn't help the smile that came to him though with her next comment. "I guess I'm not actually so lovely."

She was too perfect, the innocence that surrounded her all the time. Nearly an angel, but not quite. Possibly an angel with a few issues... It didn't matter, only that Maxxie couldn't believe her ability to be so serene all the time lasted through even this.

"Cass, what did I just tell you? - Come here, let me see your hand." Maxxie stepped toward her again, and gently took her hand in his, pulling it away from the wall. He didn't relish in her expression as he did so. The pain was evident, even if she didn't cry or scream out. _That just went to prove that lashing out solved nothing_, Maxxie mentally beat himself.

As he slowly turned it over, so he could see the back of it, he grimaced. The flesh was mangled, torn and frayed horribly. he couldn't see bone, though it didn't help his guilt. He'd done this to someone - someone who hadn't done anything wrong to anyone in her life. He'd done this to someone who stepped in the way of him doing it to himself...

Cradling her hand in his, he asked Cassie, "Can you move your fingers?"

Cassie smiled, "Yes. Only one at a time though. It, wow - hurts a bit more to bend them all at once." she never took her eyes off him, and for once, he wished she would. He felt like the lowest of the low. He'd hit rock bottom when he'd lost control, and dug a deeper hole than that when he connected with her.

The damage itself was worse than he expected. He didn't know he had such strength in him, and it frightened him to come to terms with it. He wasn't as harmless as he looked and acted; Maxxie was very much able to wound people.


	5. Pills and Chris

[-][Chris][-]

Chris was perfectly content, resting his back against the door of her room. Angie, who always shone brighter than the sun - He couldn't wrap his mind around her. She was just so-

The footsteps that echoed down the hall scared the shit out of him. He jumped to his feet, scrambling over to the other side of the hall to avoid being seen. Flattening himself against the wall, he listened to the voices.

"You really don't have to Maxxie."

"But I want to. I need to prove I'm not-"

"I know you're not, isn't that what counts?" Cassie's gentle, song-like voice cut across. Chris didn't fully understand what they were talking about, but he didn't need to. His mind, as it always had, jumped to the closest conclusion. It couldn't be true, what Chris was assuming, but it might be...

He peered out from his spot, into the open. Maxxie and Cassie were innocently walking by, not looking his way. Chris saw Maxxie holding her hand. Maxxie never held anyone's hand; and Cassie, she was blushing - Chris had never seen her blush before. He felt a pang of anger, but he didn't know where it came from.

He loved Angie after all.

_The fucker is playing with her,_ Chris thought before he meant to. He'd promised Cassie that night before the trip that he would try and be better at things like that. Thankfully it wasn't catching on quick. Might be a side-effect of that pill he'd taken a few hours ago... Oh well. If Chris had anything to say - and he always did - he'd make sure the fucker didn't land her in the same place as Sid.

The pair of them vanished from sight, and Chris made to go after them, but Angie's voice flitted toward him, and he settled himself instead against her door. He'd confront Maxxie later ... And he swallowed another unknown pill.


	6. Reflections and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

They were in one of the hotel washrooms. Cassie had seated herself upon the counter, her legs dangling in the air as she was not tall enough for them to touch the floor. She moved them slowly, a smile on her lips at the feeling of freedom the sensation brought. Maxxie had her left hand, and was fussing over it. He'd insisted that he clean the wound several times to make sure there was nothing left in it to infect her. Cassie pointed out cheerfully that if he kept nitpicking he might not leave anything at all.

"You said you had bandages, yeah?" Maxxie asked, holding her hand delicately in his own. His touch was a whisper, so soft she had to check often to see if he still had a hold on it.

Cassie nodded, "They're in my bag, on the floor in my room, I think."

"I'll be right back then." Maxxie said, his fingers lingering on her skin as he set her hand on her thigh. "Just hold it still, Cassie."

Cassie assured him that she wouldn't move, but when he reached the door, she asked, "Can't I like, go with you?"

She saw him bite his lip and bowed her head, eyes on her hand. She'd known he would say no, but that was alright. He'd at least explained to her why. Maxxie apologized, and promised to be quick. The door shut with a dull thud that bounced around a bit in the empty room.

Cassie dropped to her feet, grounding herself once more, and twirled in a circle before gazing at herself in the mirror. Her hair was pale, and she was pale, even though her cheeks were pinkish. She grinned, and watched the reflection mimic her action. In the mirror, she observed her hand. She made sure to keep it flat, fingers together just as Maxxie had given it to her. She saw the red - how bright the colour was, she couldn't believe. The skin, her skin, was jagged and didn't reach together like it should.

How could Maxxie still call her lovely, when her hand looked so ugly? Her eyes lifted to stare at the identical pair in the glass. Maybe she was lovely and ugly at the same time?

Cassie lifted her uninjured hand, reaching out her fingers to meet the pair that didn't exist in the same realm as her own. She shouldn't have eaten before the flight. If she hadn't, maybe she would be more lovely than ugly...

The door creaked, but Cassie remained as she was, fingertips against the cool reflection. Maxxie was so honest - he'd said he would be quick, and he had been. He was such a lovely person, offering to fix her. It was the realization that the voice wasn't Maxxie's that made her frown. In the mirror, behind her reflection, she saw the door propped open. The boy doing so was dark haired, tall and lean.

Tony.


	7. Devil and Tony

[-][Tony][-]

He stared at himself in the mirror. His cool smirk in place, hooking the corner of his lips, completed the confident look that he prided himself on. Fingering the tap, he washed his hands under the icy water, and wiped it with the towel he'd brought from his room. He'd known from experience that the place was not as sanitary as it should be, and he was right in thinking ahead - as always.

The towel that was in the restroom - the only towel, he might add - was covered in blood. Who died? Tony thought with a smirk. Draping his own around his neck, he tousled his hair, and winked at his refection. He certainly was devilishly handsome. Why then was Maxxie rejecting him? He had a crazy amount of experience with relationships of the female variety - Kissing a guy wasn't any different.

_Maxxie's just playing hard to get_, Tony thought, _Fucker._ He drummed his fingers on the counter, mind whirling, trying to figure out his next move. Of course, Tony knew when it came time to act, he'd just do whatever came naturally. He couldn't stick to a plan to save his ass.

The washroom door opened; Tony glanced up, checking who it was through the mirror. _Speak of the devil, and he shall come._


	8. Confrontation and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

Cassie's room was strange, to put it simply. Maxxie had never seen someone do such a thing, especially not a girl. They _liked_ extra space - or at least that had always been his impression. Yet Cassie, who shared a room with no one, had contained herself to exactly half of it. Her bed was neat, and her clothes that she'd previously worn (or so he assumed) hung off the arm of the chair - The arm closest to her bed.

The whole image did freak him out a tad, but he wasn't to judge her. Instead, he took out her suitcase, and set it on the bed. Popping the locks, Maxxie pulled back the top and instantly found the bag Cassie had told him about. He felt like he was violating her privacy, though, as he pulled out the soft pink bag. Boy's shouldn't go through girl's belongings, not even when given permission. He had to right his wrong though, and Cassie was wonderful for trusting him to do a good job of the task.

Locking her suitcase again, he returned it to where he'd found it, and slipped back into the hall. The door silently clicked shut behind him, and Maxxie made his way back to the washroom.

"Okay I've got it. Sorry it took so long, yeah." Maxxie said brightly as he entered the washroom, but when he lifted his head, all joy fled him. In the pale, greenish light, leaning on the counter, was not Cassie. No, it was the last person in the whole _fucking_ world that Maxxie wanted to see.

"And you would be talking to...?" Tony asked casually, his palms on the countertop, propping him up. He had a towel around his neck, and the one Maxxie had used to clean Cassie's hand was off to the side, bloody.

Maxxie's eyes flickered around the room, "I thought this was somewhere else." Cassie was nowhere in sight, and Maxxie's ability to lie was horrible. What if Tony had gotten her to leave? Tony could have easily gotten her to talk, what with the bloody towel as leverage, and sent her away, awaiting his return.

No, he chided himself. Cassie didn't do that to her friends. Of anyone he'd ever known, she was the only one who wouldn't do something so shallow.

Tony chuckled, "Thought wrong then, didn't ya mate."

"Guess so." Maxxie said, shifting Cassie's pink medical bag to his other hand absently.

"What's that you got there?" Tony said, noticing it for the first time, or so it would seem. The dark haired boy pushed himself off the counter, taking a step forward.

Instinctively, Maxxie backed up. "Nothing that concerns you, is it? Otherwise I'd have shown you, yeah." his tone was hard, defensive. He didn't trust Tony anymore, not after the walk. Tony continued strolling forward; Maxxie willed himself to stay in his spot. If he backed down, he'd be tagged as weak - and Tony would take advantage of that to no end.

Tony lifted a hand, palm up, a look of triumph on his face. How Maxxie longed to have punched him instead of Cassie. Violence wasn't an answer, he knew, but sometimes - _that_ time - he would have made an exception. "Come on then, hand it over.'

"I told you 'no', Tony." Maxxie gripped it tighter, concealing it behind his back.

Tony threw out his arms, shoving Maxxie against the wall. Maxxie struggled instantly, his right hand pushing Tony back. He knew he was at a disadvantage though. Cassie's bag was in his other hand, and he knew he needed to protect it, to protect her ... and himself. Sure enough, his efforts proved fruitless. Tony knocked his arm away, gripping Maxxie's shirt in his fists.

Maxxie tried to yell but he was cut short. Tony had forced his lips against his, the strength so intense Maxxie lost the ability to resist. His lips peeled away from his teeth, and Tony was in. The dark haired boy explored his mouth, ignoring Maxxie's muffled curses.

He tried his damnedest to keep a hold on Cassie's bag, and free himself at the same time, but to no prevail. It had to be one or the other. So Maxxie let it go, and gripped Tony's wrists. The other boy's fingers were so tightly knotted in the fabric of his shirt, Maxxie could feel his lungs deflating. He also registered how long it'd been since he last drew in air, and his mind started to panic. However Tony did such things with girls was beyond him.

Then again, Tony didn't have to force girls to get them to sleep with him.

Tightening his grip, Maxxie dug his nails between the tendons of Tony's wrists. He knew from another course that they essentially controlled the fingers, and that pain from damaging one was nearly as bad as breaking a bone. Thanking his lucky stars, the action and pain caught Tony off guard so that he drew away. The gap was hardly an inch, but it was enough. Maxxie could breathe, and he did so savagely.

Tony twisted from Maxxie's grip, as the blonde had loosened his hold upon receiving what his body needed. Maxxie stumbled, but remained on his feet. Tony took a half-step back, creating enough of a distance that Maxxie guessed he could move his arms in. His eyes never left Tony's, waiting to see if he'd need to fend him off again.

"All this is is luck Max - You getting away from me twice." Tony spit at Maxxie's feet, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Tony seemed crazed, his eyes more black than blue. "You're weak!"

"I'm not weak, Tony." Maxxie said, measuring his voice, unsure of how far he should push Tony. He wasn't used to rejection, not twice in one day - definitely not from the same person.

"You whine how you can never have what you desire! I offer it to you and you fuck off! You say this is what you are, but you're too afraid to snatch it yourself - Or accept it from a friend! You're fucking shit Maxxie!" Tony's chest rose and fell rhythmically despite the outburst. His voice all the while had remained controlled - Not too loud or too quiet. It was the malevolence that had been injected into it that terrified Maxxie. It was a hinted threat.

Tony would not stop until he'd won.


	9. Silence and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

Cassie remained still as stone, trapped within the stall she'd hidden in. She hadn't wanted Tony to see her, ask her what had happened. Or worse, because Tony did such cruel things all the time, use the knowledge to strike others down. Cassie knew she couldn't let Maxxie fall subject to that; to Tony's evil ideas of amusement. She had only hoped Tony would go away.

After what she heard, and through the sliver of space between the stall door and wall, she very much wished she could vomit. Anything, she willed it all to come up, but she hadn't eaten since they landed in Russia, so there was nothing there. Her fear kept her from leaping out, exposing herself and ending the assulte. What would they say? What would Tony do to her, if he knew she was there all along?

Then there was Maxxie - the humiliation of being seen in such a state was something Cassie always avoided. The stares and glares of people whom you thought would understand but didn't stung worse than any physical pain. Just like when Sid forgot her for Michelle ... Cassie had thought he'd understood how much she tried to be lovely for him, but he hadn't.

That had been worse than anything. Chris knew of that too well.

The washroom door slammed shut, and Cassie crouched down, peering under the stall door. Maxxie was alone, her bag near him as he sat on the floor. Cassie almost tricked herself into seeing him as a ghost. He looked sick, torn - used. His blonde hair stuck to his forehead, and his shirt was wrinkled and stretched near the neckline. He also very much so wanted to vomit, Cassie could see it in his complexion, the way he looked too yellow under the greenish glow. She'd never seen the boy look so distraught, run over. He always smiled - That's why she loved him so; his smile made everything around him lovely.

All the words Tony had said to him, they made Cassie angry. He didn't have a right to hurt someone as lovely as Maxxie. He was a boy who did nothing wrong, and when he did make a mistake, he fixed it. Not like Sid, who was so thoughtless. Slowly, she rose to her feet, deciding on what she wanted to do.

Chris had helped her, saved her very life even, and listened to her all day and into the early morning that followed. They shared everything, and nobody but the pair of them knew. Maxxie deserved that more than anyone right then. A chance to forget, to find peace. His heart might not need stitches like Cassie's did, but his spirit did.

Opening the stall door, she stepped into the open. Maxxie's eyes met her own, and his head dropped into his knees. Cassie forgot about her hand, about what he'd told her to do to keep it safe, and hurried to him. On her knees in front of him, Cassie gently stroked his hair, letting comforting, hushing noises pass through her lips. That was all she could do, at least until he was ready.


	10. Used and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

Much time passed before Maxxie looked up at Cassie. He wanted her to be gone, but to stay at the same time, and he wasn't sure which he wanted more. Tony was right: he was weak. Cassie was not though. She hadn't said a word to him the whole time he ignored her, running through what Tony had said to him, how Tony had violated him. All she did was run her fingers gently through his hair, like a whisper, calming him with near-silent noises that sounded like waves rolling off sand.

What could he say to her? She'd heard everything; probably saw a fair bit of it too. She knew how pathetic he was, how easy it was for Tony to force himself on him. He had no pride left, no dignity - nothing.

"Why are you here Cass?" Maxxie asked, his voice rough.

"I'm afraid of Tony. I couldn't let him see me - We agreed that no one could until you fixed me - my hand." Cassie said, her voice faint. Maxxie shook his head, and though he tried to smile for her, he didn't have the will in him. Tony had stolen that too.

Somehow, Maxxie found himself back in Cassie's room, sitting on the bed she hadn't touched. All he could recall between flashing images of what had happened to him was losing the contents of his stomach.

"I've a shirt for you, if you'd like." Cassie said, changing her own with her back to him. He'd gotten her too? Shit. That was just wonderful. Maxxie shook his head, pulled off his shirt and slumped back against the pillows. He didn't deserve any of her kindness anymore.

He watched Cassie pull her hair out from under the fabric, and turn back to him. She sat cross legged on the floor, her head level with his when she sat straight. Maxxie wanted to ask her so many things, but his vocal cords constricted his speaking. Or possibly his own fear. While Maxxie searched for words, anything to break the silence between them, Cassie lifted a hand and covered his eyes.

"What are you doing Cass?" Maxxie waited, but Cassie didn't answer. He could feel her hand over his eyes, how soft her skin was, but other than that, he couldn't detect her. Even when he strained his ears, he couldn't pick up on her breathing. "This isn't funny Cass." Maxxie added, not even sure if he was addressing her, if she was even there.


	11. The Next Morning and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

The glow of early pale light shone through the window of their room. Maxxie, of course, hadn't yet moved in his things, but she assumed he would, after all that passed from him to herself that past night. In the darkness and the silence, he'd spoken to her, opened his heart out and let her know what it was truly like to be Maxxie Oliver.

All the while he spoke, Cassie had remained silent, her hand over his eyes. She had sensed, when first she'd placed her tattered hand across them, that such an act was necessary. People like Maxxie, it seemed, could not openly admit their fears and desires to those they knew. The extrenal persona of cool and confident was so finely tuned to their mind, that the connection was hard to fade. To Cassie, he was afraid of rejection - That if he spoke too much, her opinion of him would be altered. So she made it so he couldn't see her, couldn't hear her breathing, and even, after a certain time, feel her presence. Yet she knew he knew she was there all the same, listening.

People who listen without interruption are sometimes the best healers, because they know that they cannot fix the problem in any way other than to simply be present. Cassie believed it, and followed the words until his voice tired out, and they both dozed off to sleep.

When Cassie opened her eyes the following morning, it was with the bright cover of clouds. The sun may be missing but the world was far from shadowed. She found during sleep that her hand had fallen from his eyes, and that the lines and illness that had been present on his face only hours ago had vanished. Rightly so, Cassie thought with a gentle smile. She tilted her head up and her nose brushed his; her hand ran through his hair before she stood.

Maxxie groaned, murmuring something Cassie chose not to absorb. She returned to her portion of the room, and pulled on her jeans again, running her fingers through her own fine hair. She heard the springs of the bed creak as he shifted his weight, and she uttered a fragile "Good morning".

She pulled a thin sweater over her head, listening as he got to his feet, the pants of the denim brushing against each other to make a noise she could never name. Turning, she found him to be holding his shirt, the one he was wearing yesterday in the washroom before he became ill all over himself and her. He looked faintly ashamed. Bending to retrieve a fresh one, Cassie held it out to him. "I like, tend to sleep in it. It's still clean though, because we've only been here, wow, two days now."

Maxxie's eyes went from her own, then to the shirt, then back. Tentatively, Cassie watched him take it, as though he were no longer sure how to act around her. "Thanks Cassie," Maxxie said, his voice shallow. "For everything." He added, and she was pleased to hear his voice strengthen.

"You're still the same Maxxie you were yesterday, you know." Cassie said in a light tone, perching on the edge of her bed, wrists crossed as she watched him.

"Don't lie-"

"I don't lie." Cassie said quickly, hurt that he would think that. "You're lovely Maxxie, and nothing Tony says will, like, ever change my thoughts on you." She brushed a bit of hair from her face, casting her eyes away from him. The bed sagged after a moment, and she made to lift her head, only to have Maxxie place his own on her shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, hugging her closer to him.

"I'm sorry Cass. I've just never - Last night was a first for me. Scratch that. Yesterday was a first for me. Everything about it was just so trying." Cassie could feel Maxxie's pulse on her shoulder, but the pulled corner of his lips was even better when he said. "We've still got to fix up my first mistake, yeah? Put your hand in order again."


	12. Lunchroom and Chris

[-][Chris][-]

Chris was in the lunchroom, had just received his food and was looking for place to sit so he could stare at Angie when he saw them. Maxxie leading the way, and Cassie a half-step behind; they looked sleepy and as though much of the night was spent doing other things. Chris remembered vaguely that he'd seen them together the other day, and red flags rose in his cloudy mind.

As he approached, Maxxie was whispering something to Cassie, who nodded. She greeted him first. "Good morning, Chris. Lovely night, right?"

"Fucking fantastic. Those little green pills Sid brought over are mental." Chris said, a broad smile on his face.

Cassie giggled, "Oh Chris, wow. Did you, like, sit down? I mean, you have food - you should eat." her expression was so animated, it made Chris laugh. Good old Cassie.

"Yeah, sure. How about here?" He let his tray fall on the table with a mild clatter, and dropped into a chair in front of it.

Maxxie sat at his side, and Cassie across from the boys, when Maxxie rose again and said, "I'll go grab us something to munch on, shall I?."

"You're eating now Cassie?" Chris said, shovelling food in his own mouth.

Cassie nodded to Maxxie, who left, then addressed Chris, "Like, I ate, wow, just before we came here. Only two days between." her eyes were alight with self-pride, and who was Chris to tell her that wasn't good enough. She was healing, and he knew that even through the fog of pills and liquor.

"That's fucking awesome Cass." She smiled widely, and crossed her hands on the table. Chris bobbed his head a few times, before he noticed and asked, "Why're you wearing gloves?"

Cassie glanced down at her hands, her brow knitting slightly, "My hands are cold. Russia is, wow, colder than home."

"Your fingers aren't covered."

"I didn't say my fingers were cold. Just my hands." Cassie giggled as her eyes wandered, and before Chris could say anything else, Maxxie was back. An unseen shield passed over her, rendering her untouchable to his prodding. There was no fucking way he'd ask if the two shagged yesterday in front of Maxxie. Cassie didn't tell others, and kept her opinion guilt free.

Maxxie was different altogether.


	13. Charades and Tony

[-][Tony][-]

Tony slide into the chair beside Cassie just as Maxxie himself was sitting down. The fucker. He had to chose the only table pushed against the wall, and the chair that went beside it. No matter. Tony wasn't about to make his points public. Maxxie was intelligent; he could read between the lines.

Setting his own food down in front of him, he looked upward as he took a bit, asking, "You guys don't mind, do you?"

"Would it matter if we did?" Chris laughed, his bowl in his hand as he scraped the last mouthfuls off the bottom.

"Not at all," Tony grinned.

"Tony," Cassie addressed him, head resting against the wall. It was a surprise, as Tony was aware of her dislike for him. "Where's Michelle?"

Chris jabbed his spoon in her direction. "Thought you didn't like her."

Cassie's shoulders rolled; Tony blatantly shrugged, smirking, "Probably with Jal, doing her hair or something. Can't have her running without looking fucking sexy, yeah."

His gaze flickered to Maxxie, who was absently eating. Tony knew he was absorbing everything, trying to make something of it. Probably asking himself how he was keeping so cool, after the washroom last evening. Tony's eyes went back to Cassie, finding her to be looking at him ... Through him. Maxxie, the fucker. He'd told her!

She smiled her stupid smile (that didn't fool him) and dropped her left hand to her seat, the right resting under her chin as her head stayed on the wall. Her own eyes, he saw through his long lashes, wandered over to Maxxie's bowl. She was the only one without food. No surprise there though. Anorexic bitch.

"Tony, do you know when Sid and Anwar are going after their peasant girl?" Chris asked, casting aside his dishes and belching.

"Not a clue." Tony said.

"Do you not talk to Sid anymore?" Maxxie said without his attention drifting from his meal.

Tony pushed his bowl away, leaning forward against the table on his elbows. "Actually, Maxxie, I do. The fact is, I don't give a shit. Got Michelle after all. I'm set like a god."

Cassie snatched Maxxie's spoon from his hand and put a bite of food in her mouth.


	14. Surprises and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

She'd never done it. Not ever before had she eaten in the company of her friends - or even people she knew. Maxxie appeared startled by the action, though Chris beat him to words. "Holy fuck Cass!"

Her eyes were on him before she could determine why, exactly. The food was dull, flavourless - or at least so she thought. She much preferred a bitter apple to the pasty oatmeal she'd just consumed. It kind of made her stomach churn, the taste of it. "Like, what did I do?"

"Cass," Tony said, his voice clipped, "You're eating - In front of other people. You know that right?" he made an expression that sent loud and clear his belief that she was out of her right mind. Not that it was anything new, but she'd never seen it straight on before.

She nodded, challenging herself to keep hold of his gaze. She would not back down and be cowardly in his presence ... For Maxxie's sake. "I know that. I'm just, like, hungry, yeah. That's why you all eat."

"Yeah Cass, but you've never done it. That's why we're surprised." Maxxie said, his voice normal and bright, and his eyes cheerful. He was proud of her! Oh he really did think she was lovely!

Cassie smiled her wide smile; Chris extended an arm across the table, palm facing her. "Well come on then, high five for growing."

She tapped her gloved palm against his bare one, giggling. "Like, wow, you guys are just - Lovely."

"Cass, why are you wearing Maxxie's gloves?" Tony said plainly. Her smile faltered, but she opened her mouth to repeat what she'd said to Chris, when Maxxie cut her off.

"It's cold in Russia, Tony. She misplaced her own." Maxxie said, his eyes darkening. Cassie didn't like it, thinking he was too handsome to be shadowed. why did Tony insist on being so cruel to him?

Tony flicked his fingers, complemented by a look of casual question. "Defensive, aren't we? It was just a fucking question."

"I gave you your fucking answer." Maxxie dealt the words back in the same tone.

Cassie was frowning now, and she moved her eyes from the pair of them, and caught Chris looking at her. She pulled a corner of her mouth into a half-smile, and Chris gave a subtle nod. Pushing her chair back from the table, she danced away from the scene as the two boys silently challenged each other.


	15. Loathing and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

"Take it back. Just take back what you said."

Maxxie had seen Cassie leave the lunchroom, but he hadn't gone to follow her. He and Tony were glaring at each other, a secret battle for domination; Maxxie's will verses Tony's determination. Thankfully, he knew he had Cassie to thank for any will at all. Maxxie had been a wreck, destroyed the night before, and she'd renewed him in a way he didn't fully understand. All he'd done was talk, and he wasn't even sure she was there . . . Yet he knew that she'd never left.

She was strange, but that was alright. Cassie was a good person to keep close, and he'd make sure nothing like what he'd done would ever happen to her again.

It was Chris that cut across them, distracting Tony by asking what they would be doing that day. Maxxie was grateful for this, and could almost feel Cassie's hand at work. There was something between her and Chris that was unknown to, well, anybody, but whatever it was, it was good.

While Tony talked to uphold his image as perfect fucking Tony, Maxxie left without so much as a word.

Now he was standing in front of Anwar, in the room they used to share. The other boy merely bowed his head, casting his eyes away. "I can't Maxxie. It's not what I'm supposed to believe."

"It's religion Anwar. It's just stuff. You don't have to believe in it." Maxxie said, desperate as he clung to his final chance. He didn't want to lose his friend, not after what Tony had done to him, and would surely attempt to do again. He needed Anwar as much as he hated to admit it.

"But where does that leave me? I'm a Muslim boy. I don't get to choose."

"But where does that leave us?" Maxxie's words hung in the silence, and as it stretched, Anwar only turned his eyes to stare out the window at the bleak scenery. "Fine, I guess I'll just go."

Anwar spoke without looking at him directly, but watching him from the edges of his vision. "Where are you going to go? Everywhere's full."

Maxxie grabbed his bag off the floor and his sketchbook off the bed. Neither had been touched the night before, though he wasn't surprised. Why would Anwar snoop around his things if he was anti-Maxxie? Looking at Anwar as he hauled his belongs into the hall, Maxxie said with a tired air about his voice, "Not everyone is against my being gay."

He shut the door before Anwar could say anything else.

Out in the hall, it took everything in Maxxie not to lash out blindly, again. He'd hurt Cassie last time, and he would forever kick himself for it. In place of the violence, Maxxie put his forehead against the wall and weakly hit it. "You're too in the past, Maxxie."

It was Cassie's voice, but when Maxxie glanced up, and looked around, he saw no one. "You've got to live in the moment, and never let it go." she was giggling, but she was nowhere in sight.

Great, so he was imagining shit now. Fucking perfect. He was about to return to his self-loathing when he heard approaching footsteps and his name casually spoken. Without looking up again, Maxxie pushed himself away from the wall, tossing his hands in the air as he said:

"Why don't I just give up, yeah? I'll fucking take my clothes off and you can do whatever the fuck you like!"

It was the bewildered, and slightly afraid, face of Sid that stared back at him. "Um, yeah, well, um - Are you alright?" he stuttered, as Sid typically did during awkward moments such as that. The artificial light reflected off his glasses in a way that made his eyes darker. Had Maxxie been in a mood to draw, he'd pay attention to that detail. However, he was not.

A laugh, bordering on hysteric, bubbled out of him. "You're asking me if I'm alright?" Maxxie ran his hands down his face, messing up his hair before he he continued. "I've got a Muslim roommate who decided he hates gays. I hit a girl who's messing with my mind - I can literally hear her - see her, but she's not actually in front of me. I'm being assaulted when no one's around, and I just told you to fuck me. Do you really want to ask me if I'm alright?"

Maxxie had crossed the hall, backing Sid against the wall in his outburst. His face was red with frustration, and self-hatred, and he wanted only to hurt Sid to make himself feel better. It was knowing that the satisfaction would be only temporary at best that held him at bay.

"Well, um, no, I don't think I should've asked you. I'm uh, sorry Maxx. Um, do you, maybe, want to talk about, um, it?" Sid was quivering where he stood.

Rolling his eyes, Maxxie backed off. "I get better advice from people you think aren't fucking important."

Sid scratched the back of his head. "Right, well, I'll just go then, if uh . . . Right." he made a wide circle around Maxxie, who was in the middle of the hall, and disappeared inside Anwar's room.


	16. Leverage and Tony

[-][Tony][-]

Tony strolled through the hotel at a casual pace. He had nowhere to be, and nothing to plan, because his plans were spur-of-the-moment by nature, and everyone else was off doing other things. He didn't mind the solitude. It provided him with time to consider his actions, evaluate the situations that had occurred . . . He had to cover his tracks after all.

Breakfast that morning had been odd, Tony noted, for a number of reasons. Chris and Maxxie sitting with Cassie of Dippy World; Cassie speaking to him directly, and eating in front of them; the way Maxxie caught her eye, as if secrets had been shared that should not have been uttered. . .

If Maxxie would not comply to his wants, than Tony knew exactly who he could use as leverage. A single glance out the hall window offered him a prime opportunity.


	17. Predator and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

Smoke danced up before her eyes once again, as Cassie found herself back in the yard where only yesterday her friendship with Maxxie had commenced. Only, she supposed that it was not their friendship that had started, but their trails as friends. She had always considered the passionate boy her friend, thriving off his energy almost, it would seem . . .

Shoes against the stone that made up the ground of the courtyard reached her ears, and Cassie looked up, only to step back. "Afraid of our own shadow, are you Cass?"

"Like, wow Tony. I was under the impression that you hated to associate with the mentally fucked." Cassie replied, complete with an innocent smile, without missing a beat. Strong for Maxxie, confident for herself . . . Cassie was determined to keep it that way.

Tony's eyes flickered with something darker, but she didn't quite catch it. It unnerved her, but not as much as his speaking with her. He had never done so before, and she didn't feel well about his untold reasons for doing so now. "I apologize for giving you that impression of me-"

"I never like, said I cared. Actually, if I put thought into it, I find your ignorance of my existence to be rather lovely." Cassie giggled.

"Are you even smoking that, Cass?"

Cassie nodded, "Don't distract me. Why are you speaking with me? What do you want, really?" She flicked her wrist slightly, and the burnt end of the smoke fell. She smeared it across the ground with the bottom of her shoe.

"Now, now Cass, be patient. Life's no fun if conversations always get straight to the point, yeah?"

"I don't agree."

"Very well. I see you aren't up to being fucked with, so, I'll ask only this: If you claim its cold in Russia, why is it that you wear ballet flats and skirts outside, and gloves indoors?"

Cassie paused, not understanding what he was playing at. She wished she could feel someone else nearby, anyone to distract him with so that she might escape. Her mind, some part tucked deep inside was screaming. Run. Leave. Excuses - Anything. Yet Cassie, mere inches from the predator acting as harmless, equally matched prey, could not bring herself to move. She felt that if she did, he would catch her before she could get far enough away . . . Within screaming distance of anyone.

Choosing her words carefully, Cassie said "It's like, none of your fucking business."

"Why so defensive, Cassie? You hardly ever swear."

"Only to you; I'm not defensive." She said, again tapping the cigarette so the ash could fall. Her eyes strayed from his piercing gaze, and watched the ash, and as a reflex, crushed them to put out the glowing bits that could turn deadly otherwise.

"I think you are defensive." Tony said, his eyes shimmering with emotions Cassie disliked so very much. He closed the gap between them, but Cassie was faster, despite the claims that if she should move too swiftly she would fall victim to blackouts. With a graceful step she slipped out of his trap. Before she could register her next action, it happened. She lifted her right hand, the one in which, between too fingers, she held the lit cigarette. Cassie pressed it against the exposed skin at the base of his neck, just above his collarbone.

Tony swore, and grabbed at her, but Cassie was already running out of sight, the cigarette having been crushed in her wake.


	18. Unknown and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

He finished unpacking his stuff, and changed into his own shirt. The black and white strips appealed to him, though he couldn't delve into his reasoning as to why. Folding Cassie's plain night shirt, he placed it on the armchair where she could find it. Looking around, Maxxie taunted his desire to roam about the hotel, possibly the town. It was the lingering fear of one-on-one confrontation that ultimately caused him to sit on the edge of his bed. The springs groaned under his weight. Picking up his sketch book, and pulling the shortened pencil from the coiled spine, Maxxie posed his hand and willed something - any idea - to come to him.

Yet nothing would, because he kept finding his thoughts obscured by Cassie's voice. The outburst involving Sid in the hall had left him with a shadow of guilt, one that his mind was trying to resolve by mimicking Cassie's caring nature; he was sure. Without much thought, Maxxie started to dust his pencil across the page, creating the beginnings of a drawing he didn't know. It rarely happened to him, but he did't focus on that; he just didn't focus. . .

Maxxie was walking aimlessly down the halls. He didn't quite remember when or why he'd left Cassie's room. Possibly just some subconscious need to move had puled him out into the vacant hotel. The rest of the class was probably out, doing something like he should have been doing something... It was while he was caught up in his thoughts that Maxxie found himself attacked before he could lift his head to see who it was running at him.

Hair fell in his mouth when he gasped in his shock; arms coiled around his neck. His hand, which had been posed against the page in his attempt to add to the sketch, had dropped the pencil. Someone whispered something, but he didn't catch it, and when they let him go, they pushed him to the side.

Maxxie was utterly disoriented; shoes slapped the concrete floor as they grew steadily further away. When Maxxie turned to identify his attacker, he couldn't recall even the colour of their footwear. It was any wonder why he was not more startled by the incident. He remembered quickly of Tony's antics, and his stomach and mind begged in unison for him to not. Shaking off the strange feelings, Maxxie turned his attention to the page ... and saw a thick line across it, running right through the neck of the image he'd drawn...


	19. Discovery and Chris

[-][Chris][-]

"Shit Cass, slow down." Chris said as he was nearly run over. She looked up, her eyes wide and fear danced behind the dreamy haze.

"Like, wow, sorry. I wasn't watching my feet well, was I?" Cassie gave a half-grin, but it didn't convince Chris. Maybe in another time, but not anymore. He could practically see through her many facades. And he was on pills!

Tentatively, he asked, "Cassie, what's up?"

"Like, the sun, silly." Cassie rolled her eyes playfully.

"No Cassie, I meant with you." Chris said.

Cassie's lips formed an _'o' _before she pursed them together. "Right - Nothing. I'm fine."

Chris shook his head. "You're lying."

"Am not. I don't lie to my friends. You are my friend, you know." Cassie said, and he felt bad for feeding her self-defense tones. She crossed her arms over her chest. The threads that made up her gloves was fraying.

"I know I am, Cass." Chris assured her, but continued with, "The only time you lie to one friend is to keep a different one safe. What's going on?"

"Nothing-"

"I saw you with Maxxie yesterday. Holding hands. This morning - It looked like neither of you'd slept long." Chris rushed ahead of her.

Cassie's eyes widened. In her disbelief, she managed only the very simple string of words, "Are you serious Chris?" He swallowed to speak, but she pressed on, regaining control, "You think we fucked?"

He stammered, "I only meant-"

"You know how Maxxie is. He doesn't like girls like that." Cassie said.

"Look, I don't know what I'm on - Some green thing Sid brought over on Tony's behalf - but I know something's off here. It has something to do with the three of you." Chris said, his breath a solid pillar as he hurried before Cassie could speak. "Whether he fucked you or not."

Cassie looked at the ground. "I haven't fucked anyone. You do, like, mean Maxxie, Tony and I, right?"

"Yeah," Chris replied, his voice lower, as if to match her mood. "I only want to make sure you're not hurt."

Cassie stepped forward and kissed his forehead. "It's not me who's hurt."

"I want to help you, Cass."

"I don't, like, want you help with this. Please Chris." She stepped back, making to turn, but Chris didn't want to let her go so soon. She wasn't telling him the whole truth. She was protecting someone else and it wasn't working out well. He could somewhat tell. So he reached out and took her hand.

Cassie yanked it away from him, her eyes glittering with pain. "Fuck Chris."

It took him a few seconds to hone in on the bandage that had come to see the light. It must have been when his fingers snagged the threads of the gloves. What he saw made him furious. He didn't want to lose it with her, her being Cassie and all, but he couldn't help it. "Cassie, what the fuck has happened to your hand?" Chris shouted, or so it would seem as his voice grew in volume.

She tried for an excuse, "Noth-"

He wouldn't hear it. Not anymore. Maybe if he hadn't have seen her hand he would be inclined to believe but not now."Who the fuck hurt you so I can fucking bash their fucking brain in!" Chris bellowed.


	20. Fear and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

Cassie was shocked. So much so that at first, she couldn't find a single word to say. He'd yelled at her, was angry with her, because she'd done wrong his trust, and her own being. Oh she knew it was too good, the words Maxxie said. That she was beautiful - lovely. How can one be lovely and cause such problems? Surely they cannot be truthfully lovely. . .

How was she to explain anything to Chris? She feared deeply that he would only yell louder, and then Tony might find her. She'd be reckless, burning him, and he was sure to harm her. She just knew.

Then there was Maxxie. She would be betraying everything if she filled in Chris, but Chris wanted to know, and she hated to lie to him. He'd helped her so very much. Saved her life even, when no one else cared for her. Cassie would never forget that; Maxxie would never forgive her sharing his secrets. That's what they were supposed to be - Secrets. For her ears only and she was considering passing them on.

The tears rolled out of her eyes before she knew they were there, and Cassie buried her face in her hands. The tears dripped off her nose, and when they landed on her left hand, they dried quickly and vanished. She wasn't lovely. She could never, ever be lovely to anyone - Not even Maxxie would find her lovely now. Her face was surely red and blotchy and she hated it.

"I'm sorry for trying to help. I didn't want him to hurt himself so I stepped in. I got hurt. I didn't want him to be embarrassed. I made him ill instead. I listened like you did for me and now I have to tell you what he said. I don't understand anymore - what can be right and wrong at the same time? I try always so hard to be lovely - so very lovely - but I'll never be like that. I'll never be like Jal or Michelle."

She looked up, wiping tears from her stained cheeks. She was ugly, and always would be. Her thoughts, her actions and her appearance. Never the flower, always the mud.

Chris only stared at her in shock, and she knew he didn't understand, but that he was angry with her still because of it. But she couldn't tell him. Not everything out in the open. It was right but it was wrong, and she needed help to decide which was right. For once, she feared she could not handle this on her own. What was she to become, if she could not handle situations by herself? Maybe she ought to be checked back into the clinic. She was safer there, away from everyone else. There she couldn't hurt anyone.

There, she could not be compared to Michelle.


	21. Insult To Injury and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

It wasn't his fault.

Okay, maybe a little.

Maxxie was shocked, more than a bit, by the undetermined 'attacker' that had run off before he could come to his senses. It unnerved him, both the attack and the mystery surrounding it. Who had done it? Why? What of the photo. . .? He felt it couldn't just be a coincidence, that his pencil had slashed through the neck of his sketch. It was too eerie, the circumstances, and the fact that it wasn't just a sketch - that being the usual one or two people. It was a scene, in a room, with an actual event happening.

Everything felt wrong.

Tony didn't help anything.

No, when he came around the corner, Maxxie felt that same hysteria he'd displayed for Sid. That uncontrollable urge to throw away all pretences and become a savage version of himself. Who cared? Tony certainly wouldn't. Everything was a game to the other boy. Him, what with his wicked lips and aggressive hands - Maxxie shook his head to rid himself of it all.

It was Maxxie who spoke first. "Third time's the charm, yeah. Isn't that the saying?"

"Cassie just fucking burnt me!" Tony said without hesitation. His eyes were dark, darker than usual, and his expression disturbing in it's entirety. He was outraged - the signs seeped out of every pore - but it was all carefully simmered. Sure enough, at the base of his neck, an angry burn the size of a cigarette was exposed and weeping. A fresh stain on the cuff of his sweater told it had been worse before now.

"Good for her. At least someone has the sense to challenge you." Maxxie spit back. Out of curiosity though, he asked, "What'd you do to her?"

Tony rolled his shoulders. "Got a bit to fucking close for her liking."

His eyes narrowed, "If you touched her I swear to God-"

"What does it matter? God won't have you anyway Maxx." Tony gave a mirthless laugh, adding, "As if I'd ever touch her anyway. Fucking piece of shit she is, ain't she? Can't see why you keep her as company."

Maxxie lost it then. Goodbye artist, goodbye trying to cover it up. He drew back his arm at swung, connecting with the underside of Tony's jaw. Insult him all he wanted - Tony couldn't steal anything more from Maxxie than he already had. His pride, dignity, self-worth and self-control where gone - poof!

Insult Cassie, the one person in the whole damn fucking world who didn't do wrong anyone; and always believed that the world was a lovely, tragically misunderstood place-? Well Maxxie'd damned if he let Tony get away with that.


	22. Tension Rising and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

Cassie was sitting now in a chair, Chris at her side. They were in a game room of sorts, something Kenneth had stumbled upon while wondering the hotel. It really held only a lone game table and chairs, but it didn't matter. Something to amuse oneself with, she supposed.

She hadn't said anything since Chris had guided her to the chair. It was cool, the fabric, against her skin and through her clothes. She wasn't sure why, because the room was rather pleasantly warm. Her hands were folded on her lap, right over left to protect it from any prying eyes. The thread removed from the glove had made it so much harder to hide the bandages. Kenneth had almost asked, but Cassie was sure Chris gave him a look that said not to.

It was unsettlingly comfortable to sit in his presence . . . in the room. The air felt off, greatly so, in a way she couldn't place. The feeling couldn't be named; this didn't help her current state of mind. The confusion that was already swirling through her mind like an disgusting disease was only added to by the desire to find proper words for it.

Why must this happen to her? Had she not done well? Eating the oatmeal at breakfast that morning, even if it was only one bite, had been a mistake, hadn't it . . . Oh, she didn't know anymore. Was it right to do well for her body, if she could not be lovely? Was it wrong to deprive herself to ensure the opinions of others be positive? Or was it that her ideas of right and wrong, and flawed and perfection was in itself wrong?

Then surely he lied in telling the truth. That she was more than lovely was false, and that -

Jal walked into the room, rolling her eyes at the guys like she always does. Jal - so very lovely - never ugly. A calm touch was added to the air, almost as if Jal herself had decided that the room was too tense. This, which had nearly returned a smile to Cassie's lips, was clouded by Michelle.

At least by Jal, she might be called plain, but none could hold a candle to Michelle. Michelle, who had the wicked evil Tony, and the equally dim Sid under her thumb, could not be undermined in beauty. She was gorgeous - all the boys calling her sexy all the time. It made Cassie want to leave, but her crossed legs would not move. Her toes twitched slightly.

Chris didn't notice this.

Odd, because he was watching her. She could feel his eyes on her, though she would not look at him. It was terrible, she knew, to treat her friend who so dearly cared for her in such a manner, but she was ashamed. Ashamed that he'd found out. That she hadn't personally told him. That he found out as he had.

Jal had gone to play a round with Kenneth and the other boys. Michelle sat on Cassie's other side, in a chair to herself. Cassie could smell her perfume, and bit her tongue. Say nothing, she instructed herself. She had always said little to Michelle, but she would say nothing now. The guilt toward Chris, the guilt toward Maxxie - she even had guilt for Tony, who she could have stopped in the washroom, and had stopped wrongly in the courtyard - was enough to promise her silence.

"Chris, have you an idea where Tony's gone to?" Michelle asked.

Chris looked up, surprised almost, Cassie mused. "No, I haven't got a clue. Aren't you, like, always on his arm?" Chris added a touch of jolliness to his voice. To Cassie, it was nearly false, but not quite. Chris was so easy-going, relaxed, that he couldn't dwell long on things. Especially problems that weren't his own. He did try for her sake though, Cassie could tell. It was just the pills, the cigarettes and the liquor that disabled him at times.

Michelle shrugged, "Yeah, guess so. That's why I ask. It feels like he's almost been avoiding me this entire trip."

"He's probably still with Sid and Anwar." Anwar, however, walked through the door at that exact moment, an unknown girl at his side. Chris gave a cheerful wave, and turned back to Michelle, grinning, "Or not."

Cassie frowned, drawn from the halfway between her inner thoughts and what was happening in front of her. The scene was wrong, all so very wrong. Yet she didn't know what to say, or if she could even say it, so she didn't try. She just leaned back into the cushions and waited.


	23. Unmistakeable and Sid

[-][Sid][-]

Sid rung out his shirt, shivering in the chill. Muttering under his breath, Sid moved awkwardly from tree to tree, constantly checking over his shoulder. "Every time. Every fucking time. 'Buy three ounces of weed, Sidney.' 'Oh yes, sir.' 'Shove a bag of pills up your ass, Sidney.' 'Oh right away.' 'Come help me save some random chick.' 'Oh could I?' What have we learned, Sidney? Your friends are shitheads."

He had to make sure he wasn't being followed. That would not be good. No sir. Coming up to a courtyard, Sid checked again, knowing that the crazy bastard could jump at him any moment. But there was no one there. He could see through a window that everyone else was all happy and warm. That Anwar was _warm_.

"Bastard," Sid muttered, climbing the fence and dashing across the courtyard, through the door. Everyone looked up at his arrival. Cassie though, was the only one with her eyes already trained on the door.

Sid said, gasping for air, "You would not believe what I've just been through. I jumped out of a window, got chased into a bush, waded through a river - All the while being chased by your nutter of a dad." He pointed at the Russian girl on Anwar's hip. "But it's okay though because I reckon I lost him."

"Reckon you lost who?" Sid jerked his head toward the far door. Tony - or it should be Tony - was standing in its threshold. He was a royal fucking mess. Swollen eye, torn sweater and missing hair.

"What the fuck hit you, Tone?" Jal said first.

Tony shrugged, his cool smirk on his face. "Oh you know - Cat fight as usual. Feisty little bugger."

Michelle, Sid noted, narrowed her eyes. "Who were you fighting Tony?" her voice was serious, not a lick of humour to her name.

A short laugh, "No one important, Michelle. Alive aren't I?" Tony joked. Sid wanted to ask more, but he was drowned out.

Harsh Russian words - an unmistakeable threat - chilled the room.


	24. Threatened Promises and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

He'd gotten Tony pretty good. Bashed up his nose and made sure to target his eyes. Maxxie himself was also badly damaged, but his spirits were oddly high. He'd done it; it didn't matter that he looked like he'd just gotten hit by a bus. Tony however, Maxxie knew, was under the impression he'd won. The final hit had been Tony's, when he'd shoved him through the exterior door at the end of the hall and bolted it shut.

So out in the Russian cold, Maxxie made his way around to the only other exterior door he knew. One that lead to the game room. He wasn't finished with Tony, not at all, not after what he'd said seconds before locking him out.

He heard the voice's then, the shrieking, before he'd come to the separate courtyard. He ran as fast as he could to reach the room, his pulse quickening as some subconscious fear boiled within him. _Wrong - Wrong - Wrong._ His mind chanted in time to his rapid pace. It suddenly occurred to him that he didn't know at all where Cassie was . . . That Tony was probably looking for her, to hurt her.

Just as he'd promised Maxxie he would.


	25. Surreal and Jal

[-][Jal][-]

She didn't understand how everything managed to move so quickly, but it had. She'd entered the room ahead of Michelle, wanting to play a few rounds of whatever with Kenneth and the guys. Cassie was on the couch next to Chris - stupid, crazy, loveable Chris - looking sullen almost. Jal couldn't place the other girl's expression, hardly ever could. This time though, the inability haunted her. It was almost like Cassie knew something terribly important, something she wasn't saying.

When Tony pranced in, she rolled her eyes. Before she actually saw him, obviously. Then Sid came in, and things went from strange to downright dreadful. The brutal Russian language made her cringe internally, but the locking of the rifle in the fat man's hands frozen her blood. He had it pressed against Sid's head, who was shock-stone-still staring at Tony. Michelle let out a whimper.

Jal turned to the door as it was thrown open. Maxxie, matching Tony's level of appearance, threw himself in between the Russian and Sid with a grace only he could manage. Wrongly, Jal made note to watch him dance one day._ If this ends well._ That returned her to the scene pretty quickly. It was weird how surreal it felt. There was no way Maxxie should've gotten the gun from the Russian man, but he had, and now he had it pointed at the man's head, fingering the trigger as if he'd use it.

The Russian reached for a second, smaller gun, but he was stopped when Anwar's girl ran toward him and started speaking in crazy tones and speed. She attempted to push him back (and failed) and knocked the gun out of his hand. Maxxie, Jal saw, twirled the rifle in his hand and struck him over the head.

It was a quick movement, one she'd have missed had she blinked. Nobody else spoke, nobody else was breathing. The Russian fell over, and the girl was preoccupied by him. Kenneth cheered first, congratulating Maxxie.

So why wasn't the tension gone?

"Maxx?" Jal asked tentatively. Michelle lifted her eyes in sync with Maxxie's movements, but it was Cassie who yelled first.


	26. Bring Him Back and Cassie

[-][Cassie][-]

The noise wasn't something she'd ever made before, not in her whole life. It was a strangled shrieking of sorts, that bubbled out of her throat and into the open as Maxxie turned the rifle on Tony. It was animalistic - that was the best way to describe it. Maxxie didn't pay her attention, stepping closer to Tony. Every step he took pushed Cassie seemingly closer to some cliff she couldn't quite see the edge of. It frightened her more than anything. Not knowing.

She didn't know how close Maxxie planned to get, whether he would talk or simply shoot - and his reasons why. Cassie understood deeply why Maxxie would long to hurt Tony. What the dark haired boy had done was cruel beyond measure, but to kill him? No, Maxxie was more than that. He wasn't a murderer.

Cassie had to believe that, or she would be wholly lost.

She was half out of her seat, but Chris had seen her, and had taken her uninjured hand in his. It was awkward, to half-stand with one arm crossing over her middle, but Cassie didn't acknowledge it. There wasn't any room for him in the picture she was seeing.

Tony was smirking - _smirking_ of all expressions - at Maxxie. "Do you even know how to use that, Maxx?" Tony taunted.

Maxxie was gone the moment he answered: "Try me, fucker."

That wasn't Maxxie, not in a thousand lifetimes. Maxxie was kind and sweet and lovely and brave and _good_. There was nothing evil about her Maxxie. He was innocent even if he didn't believe it. Whoever was standing before her, holding the rifle directed at Tony's head, that wasn't him. That was some cruel imitation of her beloved blonde boy.

A tear actually found its way to the corner of Cassie's mouth without her noticing it. She heard the rustling of feet, shoes shuffling across the floor. Her eyes flickered just a second, and saw the Russians leaving, followed slowly, cautiously, by Kenneth and the other guys. Jal remained as she was however, and Cassie was grateful for her presence. Without, Cassie felt sure that everything would crumble horribly wrong.

"Maxxie, you don't-"

"Shut the fuck up Michelle!" Maxxie bellowed at her, eyes wild - savage.

Tony fired up, "Don't you fucking tell her to fucking shut up!"

Maxxie made a crackling noise, something that would have been classified as laughter had he not been possessed. "Aren't you a little fucking demented to be calling shots in your fucking position?"

"If you hurt her-" Tony threatened, seemingly unafraid of the gun nearly pressed against his chest.

"Like you planned for Cassie?"

"Like I planned for Cassie? You destroyed her hand and thought no one would find out? Pretty fucking demented that was." Tony lashed back.

Chris started up then, shouting, "Don't bring Cass into this fucking shit-!"

"Chris you fucking stay out of this." Jal hissed through her teeth.

Cassie couldn't handle it anymore. She took advantage of Chris' weird hold on her and escaped easily, freeing her hand from his in a fluid movement. She passed within inches of Jal on her way toward the two boys at the end of the room. She wasn't running, because she couldn't will herself to run. Her legs disobeyed, and her mind was whirling with panic, but she pressed forward with earnest.

Tony's eyes were intense, but his lips remained as they so often were - painted with a confident smile she wanted to smack off. "Well well, loony has courage."

Cassie ignored him, placing her hands on Maxxie's shoulders, resting her cheek against her right hand so her lips brushed his ear. "Please give me my Maxxie back." she whispered, so low there was no chance anyone could hear her. "Please just show me he's still there."


	27. Final Seconds and Maxxie

[-][Maxxie][-]

He could hear her; somehow over the rage that boiled in his ears and flooded his eyes, Maxxie could hear Cassie calling him back. Her voice was delicate, as she was delicate. A tiny string of song like words that tickled his mind, clearing the fog.

_! ! !_

The bullet buried itself in the wall, less than an inch from Tony's head. The boy was no longer smirking - hardly had any colour to him. Michelle had screamed, and had her hands over her mouth, but Maxxie was lowering the gun, and Cassie was taking it from him. So gently, it was almost as though the wind itself was carrying away his anger and hatred. He stepped back, but he was not ashamed of his actions.

Cassie had her eyes still trained on him, soft doe-like eyes that did not judge, and did not ask questions. They only observed, watched without determined purpose, just as she always did. Nobody said a word as Maxxie turned around to see the rest of the room.

Michelle had collapsed into her chair; Chris was standing in shock; and Sid stood by Jal, an arm over her shoulder as if to protect her. There was nobody else there.

"Tony," Chris said, taking a step forward before stopping dead in his tracks.

Before Maxxie could turn around, he heard the click of a gun preparing to be fired. "If you know what's good for her..." Tony was speaking, but Maxxie could hardly make out the words, couldn't grasp their meaning. Cassie was standing still, the rifle hardly in her hands. Tony's arm was around her neck, in a hold that had her cheeks flushing. The silver shotgun was in his hand, pressed against her temple.

Her face was unreadable, and her eyes focused somewhere behind him, but Maxxie couldn't turn away from the scene before him. It was almost familiar . . . but not quite yet.

"You have till three or I kill her!" Tony shouted, breaking through his moment of deafness. "Three . . . Two . . ."


	28. Jal and Chris

[-][Chris and Jal][-]

_. . . Time always has a habit of moving somewhat slower when the consequences prepare to catch up with you. It never quite makes sense to you afterward, how you managed to move so swiftly, and still land in the wrong place. Because despite your efforts, when push comes to shove, everything you have, and all you are willing and unwilling to give, may not even be enough to save you. . ._

Of the four shots to follow, it was not clear how they hit the targets they did. Yet it was so, and the results cannot be taken back, reviewed, and altered. Life doesn't work that way, and it never will . . .


	29. Last Scene and Everyone

[-][Everyone][-]

The sun was bright, lovely and warm. It was so very good to be back in England, and not cold Russia. To be seemingly freed of everything that had happened, and to be safe. He was sitting across from Cassie at the table in the visitors room. Due to everything that had happened, she was not permitted to have outsiders in her own room. They didn't want anything to go wrong during recovery.

Cassie was so lovely though, back to the glowing light that seemed to give her an angelic appearance, a halo outlining. Sid propped his head up on the heels of his hands, listening as she spoke. She could only manage whispers, due to the bullet that had nicked her windpipe. That was the one that had nearly offed her, finished her, sent her through death's door. Somehow, she survived, and he would never fully understand how she managed it.

Sid couldn't complain though, because he was so glad she did. It made him feel like an idiot, a total incompetent fucking ass; how was it only after she was a breath away from death that he realized what losing her would mean? How could he have taken her for such granted? It was a mistake he would never dare tease again.

"Sid," her voice was clear, still almost silent, but clear. Sid caught her eyes; Chris spoke.

"You alright Cassie?" He was sitting with Jal, who was reading her book. Sid had noticed that she liked to read when she came to visit, and didn't talk much. Nobody talked to Cassie much when they came to visit. Only Sid kept a conversation with her; he was patient enough . . . He loved her enough.

Cassie turned her doe eyes toward him, gave a confused look, and went back to Sid. The doctors had said it would be a miracle if she survived, then if she remembered how to walk, to talk, her memories - Cassie had continued to prove them wrong. She was too strong to be kept down by medical predictions. It was only the last that was taking a great deal of time. Sid had been recalled near instantly, and the others slower given her apparent like of them beforehand. They kept slipping through the cracks in her mind though, so there were times when she simply couldn't remember.

The door opened as she whispered another string of words for Sid to grasp. Maxxie limped in, sketchbook in one hand. He'd been shot in the major artery running through the leg, and nearly bled to death. He'd been on crutches for the past however many months, but was finally walking on his own. Sid thought Maxxie was just being stupid, a wimp compared to Cassie, but he couldn't really judge. He hadn't suffered anything physical during that afternoon.

Maxxie took a seat beside Chris and Jal, angled away from them, asking, "How's she been?" He could've asked Sid, only no one much talked to Sid anymore. He had grown into the habit of snapping at them all, because they'd all caused Cassie's near death. They'd taken advantage of her generous spirit and destroyed her. Sid had sworn never to believe them again, not until she was right again, recovered fully and able to go beyond the limits of the clinic. In doing so, he only ever grumbled to them, bitter and hateful.

Jal spoke from the pages of her novel, "Better than yesterday, I can't really tell. She'd definitely talking more-"

"Murmuring more anyway." Chris corrected.

They both used to come by so frequently, but now their visits were scattered - unreliable, as Sid knew they would be. Cassie had told him how Chris had saved her life once, long ago in a time she hadn't fully gained back, but Sid was skeptical. Sid kept his mouth shut, not wanting to upset her.

And so time passed, Maxxie sketching as he always did after he'd given up trying to talk to Cassie. Chris and Jal left quickly thereafter, as she had some sort of appointment to get to. Sid didn't much care, nor did they care to elaborate. Sid felt as though Maxxie knew, but he certainly wasn't about to offer the explanation.

Cassie turned to Maxxie suddenly then, cautious in her movements. "What are you, like, drawing?"

Maxxie looked up at her, surprised, though he covered that quickly with a gentle smile as he positioned the sketchbook so she could see the image. It was a lily flower, surrounded by stars and an elegant script faded into the background. Cassie smiled her approval, but before she could turn away, Maxxie asked, "Are you alright? Can I get you something?"

Cassie glanced toward Sid, who had turned away to hide his annoyance, and gave a small shake of her head. "I'm alright, I think. You're lovely for asking."

He nodded, sitting back in his chair, angling the book back toward himself. Things hadn't been the same since Russia. Everything they'd left behind was where it was when they returned, but it was as if a different group came back than left. He returned on crutches; Cassie was in intensive care for months; Michelle had fled because she couldn't handle the nightmares anymore; Tony was in prison, facing charges in both countries; and Chris and Jal had a new problem completely unrelated. Everything was fucked up, nothing was the same, but the sun still rose in the East and set in the West.

A nurse entered a little while later, as Maxxie was putting the finishing touches on his sketch, asking that he leave, as visiting hours were over. Maxxie nodded, saying he'd be right out. He flipped his book shut as he stood, or at least attempted to. It stayed open on the page of the sketch he'd drawn in Russia, before everything to hell. Cassie lay on the floor, blood pooling around her head in a sick halo as Sid tried desperately to save her. The thick, ugly pencil line went right through his neck, ending at her heart. Maxxie's eyes welled with tears, and he ripped it from the coils. He hated the memories, the whole experience, but he couldn't change it.

Digging in his pocket, he removed a crumpled picture of the whole gang - Anwar, Michelle, Tony, Chris, Sid, Cassie, himself - that Effy had taken before the trip, and turned it over. In pen, he wrote a few words, kissed Cassie on the crown of her head and set it before her as he left. That photo had been a favourite of his; everyone had been happy and the futures of each of them looked so promising.

The door clicked shut quietly as he vanished from the room.

Cassie read and re-read the words, smiling to herself as she looked back at the photo. She hated what had become of them, but would always remember how they had once been. Happy and Hopeful - full of life.

"What happened, where did we go wrong?" Sid wondered aloud. Cassie met his gaze, and shrugged, letting the picture float back to the table. She placed her hand on his, watching the eerie transparent glow of it surround her on as it passed through.

"Maybe we didn't, not completely."

[-][-][-]

_'Loveliness never fades, can never be scarred, can never die. You'll always be more than lovely Cassie, so set the bar a little more high, because you're beautiful beyond any man's dream' (Maxxie's quote on the photograph)_


	30. Official Disclaimer

**Disclaimer**

_Skins in no way belongs to myself, and all characters, settings and general plot are used in this program, and therefore are also not mine. I refuse to take credit for anything but my own twist on the pre-existing plot._

_Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you found the story to be interesting in one way or another. _

_xoxo Hope_


End file.
